that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
