Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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