Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
