i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
