you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
