I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
