Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
they call him Oral-B. enough said
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
