I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
