The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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