Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
this is an emotional support booty call
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
