The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
