god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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