It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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