Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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