We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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