i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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