i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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