i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Boobs speak an international language.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
