My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
