i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize