Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
