I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
