shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
