I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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