Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
