so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
