Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I got inside last night via doggy door
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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