nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize