It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
