No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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