Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
