I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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