Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
