this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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