Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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