I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
