the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
