im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
