Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
