I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
