Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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