I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
