You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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