the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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