apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We got so high we made milksteak
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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