I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
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theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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