Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
