So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
