what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
