I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
