I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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