The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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