Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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