Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
