if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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