it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
