I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
