people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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