You're so nebulous sometimes
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
