oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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