Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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