Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
