Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
