i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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