I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
