somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
These tits shall not be calmed
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
