You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
