my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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