He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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