HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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