I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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