Do you still have your period?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
