was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
