New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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