The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
