He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
