I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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