The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
