Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
